Another visit to that big house at the end of the Mall in London.

biscuit tn“Elizabeth, old thing, what’s happened to all the nice biscuits? The Royal bickie tin is empty apart from a few duff old Garibaldis. Has Charles been yaffling the Jammy Dodgers and my favourite Custard Creams again? ”

“No, Philip, not Charlie this time. I thought it was Cameron because it always seemed to be after he’d been here. Then I noticed that it was only when Georgie Porgy came with him that our goodies went missing. I tackled Cameron about it and he confirmed that the Chancellor was indeed the culprit. Apparently, number ten is lacking pink wafers and chocolate digestives.”

“Good lord, terrible state to get into. The bounder should be horse whipped. I’ll get one from the stables.”

“Not just now, Philip, we’ve got a meeting with the leader of the opposition soon. Miliband is on his way.”

“Millie Band, I didn’t know the Labour party had a woman leader.”

“No, dear heart, Ed Miliband. Not a woman —Oh, I don’t know though.”

“Well, make sure he gets those damned Garribaldis.”

A Report from Down and Out Street…Oh no, Downing Street.

Daily Mail Image

Daily Mail Image

A wail of anguish was heard in the PMs kitchen.

 

“Samantha, someone’s been at my biccy tin again. The greedy swine has left me those manky garibaldis that we usually give to the Lib Dems at Cabinet meetings. All my pink wafers and chocky digestives have been nicked. There’s a thought; it wasn’t Cleggie was it?”

 

“A bit nearer home, Dave. The maid told me that Georgie Porgie from next door nips in and out while we’re not here and snaffles a bagful for their biscuit barrel.”

“Old Tight Wad himself. Not content with squeezing the nation, he gets me to supplement his rations. Right, next reshuffle he’s for the chop. That should win us the election”

More Mischief from Radio Garramungup…….

BOBS new factoryWe’ve just had a report in from Brucie Whytethighs down at Bob’s Natural Laundry Centre — yes, Marlene decided a new name was needed.  “ To corner the market here in Garramungup.” Bob pointed out that it’s not a big market — only 115 people live here. A poke in the eye and a kick up the Southern Hemisphere from Marlene’s size twelve Army boots sorted that out!

Marlene According to Brucie, Marlene was gobsmacked when she saw how clean Bob’s long johns came out of the machine after a dose of Violets Laundry Powder and a pre-soak in her Earth Friendly Bleach. Bob threw a wobbly because he thought she’d chucked his treasured LJs away. Once again, the threat of physical violence and her demanding her marital rights had him cowering in the dunny (outside loo.)

By the way, Brucie won’t be able to report for a spell. He tried to do a wheelie on his moped in Bob’s car park, lost control, flew through the air and ended up in the back of the local garbage truck. Bob flogged him the large size Zeolite before sending for the ambulance!

It’s all kicking off Down Under

Radio Garramungup Catchup.

Trouble Breaks Out at Bobs Zeolite Factory

Trouble Breaks Out at Bobs Zeolite Factory

We’ve had a report from our roving correspondent, Brucie Whytethighs, that there was a scrap at Bob’s Zeolite Centre recently.

Apparently, Bob’s missus, Marlene, heard our report about Judith Mathias knocking down the price of Zeolite and then doing a nickywhoop (hasty departure) legging it back to Home Scents with her swag.

Marlene went off like a bucket of prawns in the sun and gave poor old Bob a real pasting. She’s not a pretty sight at the best of times, but when she goes berko she’s as ugly as a box of blowflies. To be fair, Bob’s no oil painting. In fact, I’ve seen better heads on a glass of beer!

So, after all that, Bob went walk about till the hullaballoo died down. It turns out that Marlene had a gander at Home Scents web site and took a liking to Violet’s Laundry range and now wants the Zeolite Centre to start stocking them.  She’s tried all sorts of cleansers to brighten up Bob’s long johns but they stay the same dingy grey after every wash. To be fair they are a bit ancient as they’ve been handed down from father to son for several generations!

We will get Brucie to follow that one up. I’ve seen Bob in those LJs at the swimming hole and you don’t feel like having your tucker after that!

BROADCAST BY RADIO GARRAMUNGUP, AUSTRALIA 2

queenOverheard in the kitchen of that big place at the end of the Mall in London, with all those blokes in red jackets and big black tea cosies stamping up and down outside. By the way, they could cut the noise down if the lads wore trainers or slippers. Then the Royals could watch Tipping Point in peace and quiet.

 

“I say, Elizabeth, did you hear that. Radio Garra something from Australia rattling on about this Zeolite stuff that gets rid of nasty smells? We ought to bung a load into the Houses of Parliament; a few bad pongs hanging around those places. Tell you what, next Opening of Parliament we’ll fill the coach with it and get the footmen to spread it all over the gaff!”

“Oh dear, Philip, you haven’t taken your tablets, have you? Where will the corgis and Anne’s horse sit? Nurse, grab the ducal nose and hang on tight while I lob his pills down his gullet and don’t let go until he’s swallowed them all. He does spit them out and leaves a trail like Chiclets along the Royal corridors. After he’s had his cocoa, he can walk the dogs and I’ll have a butchers at this Home Scents web site. I understand they do a really good range for dogs.”

SUPER ZEOLITE GARDENER’S FRIEND – FINE GRADE

Zeolite Image

This is a very fine size of zeolite – we also sell our regular Super Zeolite which is a great odour eliminator.

Super Zeolite Gardener’s Friend is a really beneficial addition for potting soil and improving garden and flower beds. Also improves the quality of lawn especially if it has been discoloured by dog urine – simply sprinkle over the grass and water in.

 Helps Hold and Slowly Release Valuable Plant Nutrients

 Reduces Nutrient Leaching

 Improves Aeration of the Soil and Minimizes Compaction

 Helps Reduce Watering by Retaining Soil Moisture

 Improves Strong Root Development

 Supports Beneficial Microbe Activity in the Soil

For potting soil mixes add 200gms of Super Zeolite Gardener’s Friend for each 4 litres of potting soil. Mix well with potting soil.
-For gardens and flower beds, add 500gm of Super Zeolite Gardener’s Friend per 2square metres into the top 4 to 6 inches of thesoil.and when composted with manure, it becomes a natural fertilizing system.

Common Uses for Zeolite – Turf – Golfing Greens – Crops – Horticulture
Relieves compacted soils & produces significant turf root improvement requiring less fertilisers and less watering.

Where does Zeolite come from:
Natural zeolites form where volcanic rocks and ash layers react with alkaline groundwater. Zeolites also crystallize in environments over periods ranging from thousands to millions of years in shallow marine basins.

FURTHER INFORMATION AND ZEOLITE PLEASE CONTACT

Home Scents Ltd – Unit 1 & 3 The Courtyard, Ochrelands, Hexham, Northumberland. NE46 1SB – Tel: 01434 60772

Email: sales@homescents.co.ukhttp://www.homescents.co.uk

BROADCAST BY RADIO GARRAMUNGUP, AUSTRALIA.

G’Day to all you in the U of K. This is brought to you courtesy of Bob’s Zeolite Centre in downtown Garramungup. Just pop in when you’re in town and Bob and the boys will give you a”mates rate.” Now this stuff is Ace at getting rid of all sorts of pongs. Bob’s old army boots used to walk off by themselves till he started putting Zeolite in them overnight. By morning they were nice smelling and dry: still scruffy and dirty but Bob ain’t a male model. It took him some time to realise that his feet were hurting because it’s best to empty the zeolite out before wearing them. We’ve had a lady from the Uk, Judith Mathias, who spent some time digging holes all over Australia looking for Zeolite. Wearing a bush hat, khaki shirt and shorts with grey socks and heavy boots, she upset the locals by singing Waltzing Matilda. everyone knows the Aussie National Anthem is Edvence Ustraylyuh Fair. Anyway, she heard about Bob, beat his price down and packed her tucker bag with Zeolite and marched off to Home Scents in England. This lady knows a good product so Radio Garra suggests you guys have a squint at her website - http://bit.ly/1gRVv0v